I was talking to a friend this week who told me he was busy taking care of his dad. My friend is like me, mid 60s, so you can assume his father is getting up there in age. He talked about how difficult it was for his dad to adjust to getting old. That’s when I said, “It’s very difficult to adjust to the new ‘normal.’”
The new normal.
From Miriam Webster:
Normal – Conforming to a type, standard or regular pattern: characterized by that which is considered usual, typical, or routine.
The new “normal” is certainly not something we would think is usual or typical, however…it certainly is the new routine for many of us. It becomes a regular pattern.
For some it’s just the issue of getting older. The body doesn’t work the way it once did. “The spirit is willing…” but the rest of me just can’t do it.
I saw a post once that said, “Never get down on the floor to play with your grandchildren without a concrete plan for how you’re going to get back up.”
I’ve had to adjust to the new normal. To be honest, it’s still a work in progress. For the most part I want to say I’ve accepted my fate but I would be lying if I didn’t say it still frustrates me. It bothered me just last week when I wanted to mow my lawn. It’s been more than 10 years since my stroke and I still don’t have the best balance. I haven’t been able to cut my grass since 2014. Yeah! It’s getting pretty high! Last week we lost the dog! Twice!
No, my son cuts it and I can’t thank him enough.
I really got mad, then sad, during the blizzard. My wife’s truck got stuck and I had to watch the neighbors come to her rescue. I used to be able to help push a stuck car or shovel a way out. Now I’m afraid to even walk to my car if it’s icy.
Whether you’re just getting older or, like some of us, have a disability now…I can’t stress enough how much you will feel better if you can come to terms with it and accept the new normal.
If you refuse to I can guarantee anger and depression.
I know people who have had a stroke and pretty much just shut down. They don’t want to do anything.
“Physical therapy? Why? I’ll never be the way I was.” Maybe not, but you will be a little better.
“Use a scooter? Never! You won’t catch me on one of those things!” Fine. Never go around the neighborhood on a nice sunny day. I never could have gone to Disney World with my wife, daughter, son-in-law and grandson if I didn’t use one. That’s a trip I’ll remember forever!
“I’m too proud to accept help from anyone.” Okay. Go ahead and struggle with everything. I guess you’ll be PROUD of yourself!
I don’t mean to sound harsh (well maybe I do), but you have to make a choice. Do you want to enjoy what you can about life or do you just want to be miserable because you’re not the person you were? And yes, it’s a choice.
“I didn’t CHOOSE to be this way!” No, but you’re choosing to miss out on what you could be doing. Every day is filled with choices.
I’ve probably told you before about this man at my church. He fell on some ice years ago and really injured himself. We don’t bounce back like we used to and he had a tough time trying to get better. I would watch him try to navigate the stairs into church and when I reminded him we had a perfectly good elevator to help out in these situations, he was adamant that he was not going to use it. I just shook my head and walked away. Actually I walked to the elevator because I use it every week.
The frustration, the anger and sadness is completely understandable. You’re right. It sucks.
But what are you going to DO about it?
“Do? There’s nothing I can do about it.”
Are you sure?
Now this is where I always say that no two strokes are alike. You can add to that by saying no two health situations are alike and we certainly all age differently.
There’s nothing wrong with slowing down as we age. You may even start to notice things and enjoy things you never did because you were so busy making a living. You can no longer do some things but that just gives you a chance to try something else you’ve always wanted to do.
Before I would ever say there’s nothing I can do about my situation…I would definitely look to see if that is truly the case. I have had the opportunity to try many new things over the past decade. Cooking was never something I did much but now I’ve found I enjoy it. I have finally watched some classic movies that I always read about but had never seen. And I never used to write before. It’s been fun putting pen to paper. (In reality it’s fingers to tablet but I think you get my point).
I have learned so many ways to cope and have learned about so many different things to make life easier. Whether it’s a device I use to put on my socks in the morning or the fact that I have a grabber upstairs and downstairs in case I drop something, I’m constantly looking for anything that will help. My grandson even calls it a “Grampy Grabber” and I’m getting pretty good with that thing.
Life will also get much easier when you let people help when they want to. I know, it’s hard to accept help for some people but we all need help at times. And I’ve discovered that it often makes the other person happy when they can help. What’s wrong with helping people feel happy?
I’ll leave you with one more thought I had today: When you’re gone from this world and your children or grandchildren are gathered at your funeral or a family reunion 30 years from now, how do you want to be remembered?
“(Insert your name here) was a great guy/gal. They always tried their best to be part of our lives. I’m so glad for the time we had.”
Or…
“Oh, that cranky old b******?”
What’s your choice going to be?
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