Lately I’ve been amazed when I go to a funeral.
I figured I’d get your attention with that.
Of course it’s sad and sometimes it’s really difficult if there’s an accident or if it involves a young person. However if the deceased is older and has been in poor health for some time, while some people would consider it a blessing, it’s still hard. And one thing I’ve learned is that we all deal with death and loss differently.
But yes, I tend to find the funeral amazing.
To be specific: I’m amazed at the stories I hear about that person as I simply sit and listen.
This past weekend my wife and I went to Vermont for the funeral of a family member. I won’t go into too many details out of respect for family but I will say it was pretty amazing.
The service itself was beautiful and I learned some things I never knew about someone that I first met in 1976 or 77. The stories continued at the collation and especially when we gathered at a relatives house to just swap stories and spend time together.
There were many things I never knew.
I firmly believe that every one of us touches many people in our lives. Sometimes we may not even be aware of it. Some of those connections may be terrific and some … eh not so much. But they happen. And one thing leads to another.
As the afternoon went on Saturday and the stories continued, one of the siblings said, “We must have had two different mothers,” which brought a few laughs.
As I thought about that I realized, what a great observation!
In my own life I admit that I probably wasn’t the same father to all four of my children. I don’t think anyone that has multiple children raises them the same way. We may think we do but there are differences. There almost HAS to be.
In my own case my oldest child and my youngest child are nine years apart. A lot can, and did change, in those nine years. Which I think is true for everyone.
When you have your first child everything is new. I had no experience being a parent and since my father had died when I was six I really had no one to model myself after. I was on a whole new adventure and, to be honest, I made my share of mistakes. When the second child comes along, you’re not the same person.
Add to that changes in your work life, your own parents and for me, changes in your health. Yeah life got different with children three and four.
For some people divorce and custody can really shake up the picture.
Life changes so it only makes sense that you do too. Hopefully we learn and we change for the better, but … that’s not always the case.
What I have learned is that we all have to play the cards life deals us.
And more often than not…it’s a pretty amazing journey.
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