I guess it’s all in the way you look at it.
This week I read a post from a colleague of mine. Rob Carolan, the meteorologist I work with on WSAR, made a post about his cancer journey. Almost 2 years ago he was diagnosed with a very rare form of pancreatic cancer. Fortunately it was later determined to be “the much less deadly and more treatable” pancreatic cancer. The “good kind” as opposed to the one that, as he says, “could take me away immediately.”
He pointed out that, “Every time I go for my injection I see people who are far sicker than I am and I realize yet again how lucky I am.”
Stop and think about those last few words: “How lucky I am.”
He goes on to say, “The doctor who helped me get diagnosed and has helped save my life is firmly convinced that my attitude of being positive and thankful is one of the reasons I am doing as well as I am.”
Those words had a strong impact on me, especially because this coming Friday, February 27th, is the tenth anniversary of the day I had a stroke.
Wow! Ten years!
Since then, after a long process and a lot of work with some wonderful people, I have actually come to view my ischemic stroke as a blessing.
Now it’s not something I would recommend people do to get to the place where I’m at right now, but I truly feel it’s been a blessing.
Before my stroke I was your typical father-of-four trying to earn a decent living for my family and make a contribution to this world if I could. I was busy and I was also stressed. I had just lost a job I loved and that I had done for 25 years. While I was given a few months of severance pay, I was worried what I would do when that stopped. I was 54 years old and the thought of starting over again was…a bit scary.
At the time of my stroke I was working four different part time jobs and still not making the money I used to make. And going to those four different jobs, though not every day, took up much more of my time. I was scared. I was exhausted. And I was stretched too thin. Then I had a stroke.
Once I accepted my new reality, trust me it took a while, I was able to slow down. I was able to focus on what I needed. And focus on what truly is important.
I certainly know, and have thanked God often, that there were many people that helped me get to where I am today. Physical therapists, speech therapists, occupational therapists, and my fantastic wife and children who challenged me to do what I had to do. No short cuts were allowed! And the lawyer who helped me navigate through disability. It took quite a few months, very lean months in the Braley household, but I finally was approved for disability. Yes I am back to work, part time, but I am still only able to work about three or maybe four hours before extreme fatigue creeps in.
I’ve spoken before about some of the things no one ever tells you about a disability. One of them is you have too much time alone with your thoughts. You miss what once was. No matter how you try not to focus on the things you can’t do anymore the thoughts creep back into your mind.
With all the snow we’ve had this winter I’ve been thinking back to snowball fights and sledding. Even something as simple as helping my son with the shoveling. My balance never completely came back after my stroke so I worry every time it snows if I can even walk to my car. I used to love cross country skiing and hiking. Now I enjoy a good book and a warm blanket.
But yes, there have been blessings.
I get to spend more time with my grandchildren. I can’t get down on the floor and play but I can watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with them. We especially love “The Hot Dog Dance” at the end of an episode.
I’ve been blessed with the ability to travel to see my buddy, my grandson Liam, in Texas. True, I use a wheelchair at airports because it is much easier and I always have to try and arrange a longer layover because I don’t move too fast.
I feel like I don’t have as many friends as I used to but the ones I do have are special. When you stop working with people you thought were friends you realize that the work was the only thing you had in common. The other night I went to a Providence Bruins game with my friend Jim. I don’t see Jim as often as I would like but when I do we just pick up where we left off. I hope you have a friend like that.
And yes, like my friend Rob, when I see other stroke survivors that were affected more than I was or differently than I was…I am truly blessed.
Not to get too poetic here, though I guess a writer should do that at times, I definitely appreciate a beautiful sunrise or sunset more than I used to. I used to be too busy to notice. I also have a new appreciation for when the trees and flowers bloom in the spring.
Also I appreciate watching my grandchildren smile or have a good belly laugh sometimes over the simplest of things. And I love it when they discover something new or try something over and over and finally get it just right!
As my friend said in his post, “Life may not be fair, but it also doesn’t have to be dark and dreary regardless if you’re healthy or not. Our time here is very short so try and make the most of it. Most importantly, remember no person who has friends is a failure.”
Be well my friend. And maybe today or tonight when the snow starts to fall… count your blessings. I’m almost positive you will be surprised at all the blessings you actually have.
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