Isn’t It Nice To Be Wanted?

Someone asked me if I’d like to do something this week and that really made me feel good. When I told my wife, she asked if I was excited about possibly doing it and I replied, “I don’t know if I’m going to but it’s just nice to be wanted.” As I thought more about that answer I thought, “Isn’t that one of our basic human needs? To be wanted or needed?”

Think about the times in your life where someone wanted you. How did it make you feel? When you were picking teams for a backyard kickball or a basketball game and one of the captains picked you… how did you feel? Unless you were the last pick then that’s a different feeling altogether. When someone picked you for a task at work or you were asked to be on a board or committee, felt pretty good didn’t it? I think it’s a basic human need: the need to be wanted.

Depending on who you read there are five, six or seven basic human needs. Some list food, water, air and shelter. Yeah those are pretty important.

Tony Robbins lists six:

1. Certainty: assurance you can avoid pain and gain pleasure
   2. Uncertainty/Variety: the need for the unknown, change, new stimuli.
      3. Significance: feeling unique, important, special or needed
         4. Connection/Love: a strong feeling of closeness or union with someone or something.
            5. Growth: an expansion of capacity, capability or understanding.
               6. Contribution: a sense of service and focus on helping, giving to and supporting others.

I certainly agree with all of these but the feeling of being needed or wanted came front and center this week.

I have found over the years that as we age, or as our health situation changes, we can sometimes not feel as needed as we once were. Can I coach a ballgame, throw batting practice or hit fly balls? That would be a no. Can I help with the home improvement projects or work all day at a neighborhood cleanup? Not likely. However I can help with the experience I’ve gained over the years and the things I’ve learned, much of it through trial and error. Remember: we do not fail, we just learn. True it may be learning how NOT to do something but hopefully we do learn. I can cook a meal for those that do the heavy work or research anything you need or make phone calls.

How about you? Do you feel needed or wanted? I know it can be difficult if you’ve had a life-changing event.

Think about the people in your life: Is there someone that you think has a need to be wanted right now? How about reaching out to let them know you appreciate them or you need them for something? You might have no idea how much they need that right now. It might be a task they could do for you or just asking their advice or their opinion.

Sometimes we might be afraid to ask for any number of reasons. Maybe they worked hard all their life or had to make a lot of decisions where they once worked or they were under a lot of pressure. You may think they deserve a break from all that but, for some, it’s hard to turn that off. They may be frustrated with all the time they have on their hands now and they may be searching for some purpose. You may be thinking, “They don’t need me bothering them,” when that could be exactly what they need today.

Can’t hurt to ask!

As for those other needs? Well food, shelter, water and air are pretty obvious. But the others?

1. Certainty: Assurance you can avoid pain and gain pleasure. I think we need to feel some things are a certainty.
2. Uncertainty/ Variety: We all need change don’t we?
3. Significance: Feeling unique, important, special or needed. Enough said.
4. Connection/Love: I might suggest this be the number one need.
5. Growth: Keep learning and growing.
6. Contribution: A sense of service and focus on helping, giving to and supporting others. I’ve always found that when I’m blue, doing something for others can snap me right out of it.

So today, why not reach out to someone who might need to be needed today? You have no idea how that might make someone feel.

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