I was thinking the other day that, for a lot of us, we’re not okay…but (hopefully) we’re trying.
We are so programmed that when someone asks, “How are you?” we respond with, “Fine.” But how many of us truly are?
If you’re a new reader…Welcome! Glad to have you! You may or may not know that I suffered an ischemic stroke about 7 years ago. And while I consider myself blessed that it wasn’t any worse than it was, I still had to spend quite a few months doing rehab. In some ways it continues to this day.
I’ve mentioned before that I belong to a Facebook group called Stroke Survivor Recovery Group. One of the things I’m constantly reminded of is that no two strokes are alike and many of my fellow survivors struggle every day.
One thing that was mentioned recently was the fact that many people (friends, family and strangers) often look at us and think we’re okay. Having a brain injury doesn’t always show itself on the outside. Sure, we may look fine on the outside but there can be a real struggle on the inside. Things are not the same as they were and that can be very upsetting. Sure, I know that the stroke happened and life is different but I don’t have to like it. You miss the old life.
How many of us feel the same way? You’re not okay but (hopefully) you keep trying. You might be dealing with your own health issue or just the stress of your daily life. Maybe you’ve suffered a loss and you’re not okay. You wonder if you ever will be.
When we’re struggling with whatever obstacle we face, friends and family may not realize it. If you have someone in your life who is acting differently than they use to… they might be fighting an inner battle. One thing I’ve learned over the years is that we have no idea what is going on in someone else’s life unless they open up to us. We may assume but I’m always reminded of that saying about the word assume:
There is an old saying that to “assume” makes an “ass out of you and me”.
It can also be difficult for those of us that are struggling to open up to others. We might be embarrassed, we might think no one cares or we don’t want to always be complaining. I know that stroke survivors often face family or friends who think we should be over it by now, especially if it’s been a few years. In my own case, I’ve learned to live with it or cope with it but there are days when things just aren’t right and I feel the urge to hide from the world. Fortunately, my family realizes and accepts that. They give me my space but usually just for a day. They know I might need to step back from things but there’s no way they’ll let that become a habit.
So in conclusion I’ll leave you with two thoughts.
First, if you’re not okay… that’s okay! Realize that you’re not alone. However, keep trying and don’t give up. I think giving up is the worst thing you can do. Will it get better? I’m not going to promise that. Life is different. You can adjust and enjoy the parts that you can still do and the people you still have in your life or be miserable. I think I know what I would choose. Surround yourself with people you love and that love you. Remove yourself from any negative circle of so-called friends.
Secondly, take a look at the people in your life. Are they acting differently? Withdrawn? Struggling? If you ask how they are and they say “Fine!” follow that up with “Are you really?” Take a few extra minutes and really listen to what they have to say. You might be the first person to actually listen to them in a long time. And realize that you don’t have to have the answers. It may be a situation that can’t be fixed. Sometimes they’re just looking for someone to talk to and someone who cares.
Catch up on past Sunday Columns by clicking here.
Leave a Reply