I read a disturbing story this week about a man who died after a brawl at a middle school basketball game. It happened in the town of Alburgh, Vermont and the details are still being investigated. Apparently a brawl broke out that involved quite a few adults during a 7th-8th grade boys basketball game in a town located about an hour north of Burlington.
Was I surprised when I heard about the fight? Not until I heard that a 60-year-old man DIED! Come on people! Can we put an end to this now?
There have been many stories about adults behaving poorly at youth sports events. I’ve seen it personally and, I’ll admit, I wasn’t always a saint.
I was a youth sports parent and coach for many years in the 90s and 2000’s. Yes I argued with umpires and I disagreed with coaches. I tried to be respectful but, are there times I wish I could take back? Of course. If I ever offended you on a field I hope that you will accept my apology. I’d like to think I learned over the years.
I get it. They are your children and you want them to succeed and be happy. If you think they’re not getting a fair break you feel like you have to say something.
For many families the child may want to become a professional baseball, football or basketball player (or other sport) because they watch their heroes on TV every night. That may also be what you want, possibly because you never made it. Unfortunately, the statistics don’t really make that look probable.
There have been many articles written about this over the years. One that I noticed says:
- Of all the boys in America who play high school varsity football, less than 6 percent will go on to play at the college level. Of the precious few who do go on to play college football, only 1.8 percent will be drafted by the NFL. Bottom line? If your child is playing high school football, his chances of making it to the NFL are 0.08 percent.
- The odds for high school basketball players are even tougher: only about 3 percent of high school varsity players will make a college roster, and the odds of a college player advancing to the NBA are just 1.2 percent. So the percentage of high school players who turn pro is 0.03 percent.
The article goes on to say “These numbers are not to discourage parents or their children, but to help us all remember that youth sports are—for 97 percent of the kids who play them– NOT a means to a greater end. They simply are what they are: a chance to have fun and develop life skills which will translate into other arenas like perseverance, a good work ethic and team work.”
I coached along with some terrific youth coaches over the years. There were some “doozies” too. (I felt bad for their kids.) One man I coached with was Mark Collins who went on to have success coaching girls softball at Greater New Bedford Voc Tech. He said something once that stuck with me all these years. It was something like, “Youth sports would be so much better if we could could build an 8-foot wall around the field to keep the parents out.”
I can’t tell you the number of times I would put a play on or set up the infield the way we needed it for that batter only to have a parent yelling at their child that they needed to move because he or she thought they were in the wrong place. Who do you think that child was going to listen to in a stressful situation? The guy that they see maybe three times a week or the one they have to ride home with and live with?
If I could go back, I would really just try to enjoy the game. Cheer them on and celebrate the successes and (hopefully) keep my mouth shut when things didn’t go our way. Celebrate the fact that the kids are doing what they love with their friends. I’ve discovered over the years that you seldom remember the scores or the stats but you remember the experiences. Traveling to the field or riding the bus. Hanging out. Eating ice cream after a win. Quiet rides home after a loss.
I broadcast some high school sports for New Bedford Cable Network and I listen to some of the parents in the gym or on the field especially during the junior varsity game when I’m setting up. I hear the comments coming from the stands and I often wonder what the child is thinking.
“There goes my dad (or mom) again!”
“I’m so embarrassed when they do that!”
Is that you?
I know, it’s easy for me to say this all now that I don’t have children playing but I’ve been there. I made some of these mistakes and maybe I don’t want to see you make them.
One thing I do want to point out that you may not have realized: If your child is playing in a town or city league, you most likely will be around these same parents for 5, 10, maybe 15 years. Do you want to be known as “that guy?” How will your child feel knowing that you or they have a reputation for being difficult? And, coaches notice the family behavior. Even if your child has the talent to advance do you want to be the reason he or she is not selected? I can tell you for a fact that some players are not picked because the coaching staff does not want to deal with YOU for four or more years.
Adult behavior has gotten out of hand at youth sports games. It’s time for us to step back and correct that.
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