Forty years! How did that happen?
Forty years ago Ronald Reagan was President. Sandra Day O’Connor was named the first female justice on the Supreme Court. Prince Charles and Lady Diana had just gotten married in July. And I married Priscilla…..September 12, 1981. Forty years ago today.
I had hair; I was thinner; and nothing hurt yet. I had all my original parts! I even danced up a storm at the reception. Yes as of today we have been married forty years.
We’ve heard many people say, ”You don’t see numbers like that anymore.” And, of course, “What’s your secret?”
I have my opinions on that, but first, let me interview Priscilla. I’ll have my people call her people and we should be able to book something by the end of the month. But seriously…..
I asked Priscilla what she thought our secret was. She said, ”Always trying to be polite. ’Please and thank you’ means a lot. Being appreciative of things like emptying the dishwasher or putting the laundry away. And when we became parents we always had a united front. If we disagreed, we always discussed it in private and agreed on a strategy so they couldn’t play one against the other.” Those rascals! They would have too.
As for me, I married my best friend. We like spending time together…..but we respect each other to know when the other needs some time alone. I trust her. She’s never given me any reason not to. And I don’t think we sweat the small stuff. We’ve had to deal with enough ”big stuff” that the small stuff just happens. Eh, whatever.
Over the years I’ve also learned to just listen. I think when I was younger I always felt like I had to fix everything. Sometimes she just needs to vent and by getting her thoughts out she finds the answer she was looking for.
Now I don’t want to criticize any other couples because I have no idea what really goes on in their house, but I do think that some give up too soon. It’s not going to be like some romance novel or movie. There will be the ugly days. Family struggles, health issues, and times when you have to put your ego on the shelf when the other is having a crisis. Fortunately I know that she will do the same for me when I crash.
Lord knows I’ve given this lady plenty of reasons to call an Uber and scramble out of town, what with my health issues. Actually she’d take her truck, she loves that thing. She’d probably take Charlie the puppy too. But she doesn’t. We took those vows seriously.
“To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse.” (Yeah, we’ve had that.)
“For richer, for poorer.” (Yup. We used to eat spaghetti with sauce. No meat or meatballs because that could be a whole other meal!)
“In sickness and in health.” (Do I need to explain? Thank God she’s been the first one I’ve seen waking up from my surgeries. Well, except for the recovery room nurses but I’m usually on some good drugs.)
“To love and to cherish, till death do us part.” (Well thats our plan.)
Has it been what I expected? I don’t really remember what I expected 40 years ago. We just go with the flow. I don’t really think I had many expectations other than having her by my side through the journey. She’s the first one I want to share my good news with. She’s also the first one I reach out to when the news is not so good. We’ve both changed in different ways over the years but I guess if we have any “secret” I guess it’s that we embrace that change together.
So there you have it. Now I just need her permission before I publish this. Haha!
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