We are told “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year,” but what if it’s not?
Many people struggle at this time of year for various reasons. Whether it’s the death of a spouse, the loss of another loved one, illness or separation, this can be a time when people struggle.
It doesn’t help when everywhere you look you’re told to be cheery and everybody smiles on television when the gifts are opened or the tree is trimmed.
I don’t know exactly what you’re dealing with but my first suggestion, no matter what the issue is, would be to stop comparing. Stop trying to compare this year to any other in the past.
Christmas is a time when we think of traditions. We’ve always put the tree here or you’ve always baked a certain kind of cookies. We’ve always opened gifts in the morning or dad used to read to us before bed. Times change. People pass.
As you know I’ve had a health issue or two over the past few years. I can no longer lift the tree onto the top of the car, tie it down then carry it into the house. Thank God for the strong six foot son. I can’t string the lights all around the tree or get down on the floor to guide it into the stand. Thank God for a flexible wife and full disclosure: I never did like the job of stringing the lights. I guess I got assigned that job being the dad.
I’ve written before about how the kids went and grew up on me. Is it too much to ask for them to stay dependent on me for their every need? They went off and got married or had girlfriends and boyfriends and started their own lives. (I’m being facetious here but I do miss them in their feety jammies with their hair all a mess on Christmas morning.)
It’s okay to smile and remember but don’t compare. Don’t dwell on how this one is different, maybe try something new. Develop some new traditions, after all, they had to start somewhere to become a “tradition.”
I think of those we have lost and still think of my mom especially when we sing “Silent Night” by candlelight on Christmas Eve. Sure I wish she was still here and helping in the kitchen on Christmas day….but she’s not.
If you’ve lost someone close to you this year, I’m really sorry. I know this year will be tough for you and you deserve space and time to deal with your grief. This year is not the same and it will never be again. It will be different and, at times, difficult. Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone close. Someone who will listen or just hold your hand. If you’re not up to going somewhere, be honest and tell them. If you do go, when it’s time to leave….leave. You need to take care of you.
If you’re struggling with your health just do what you can. I know how frustrating it can be as you try to accept what you can and cannot do. As I’ve said many times, focus on what you can do. You may discover something that’s new and wonderful, a new way of doing things. Get rid of that anger over your limitations, it’s not good for you.
I’ve always loved this time of year. Not because of the gifts and the shopping and the baking and wrapping. (Though I will admit the gifts are cool and I love the cookies!) I like it because, at least for a few days, people are nice to each other. We wish each other a “Merry Christmas” and people hold the door for one another or really hope for “Peace on Earth.”
You deserve to be happy. Start a new way of doing things this year. Remember the old, but embrace the new.
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