My wife and I celebrated our 44th wedding anniversary on Friday. We actually celebrated it Monday and Tuesday with an overnight trip to New Hampshire.
As usual, life was going to be too busy on our actual anniversary: my wife had to work a 24-hour shift on the ambulance and I was broadcasting a high school football game. One thing I’ve learned is you have to be flexible.
Priscilla and I had a terrific time in New Hampshire! We had always wanted to ride the Cog Railway but for some reason never got around to it with the many trips to Santa’s Village and Story Land. We drove the minivan to the top of Mt. Washington once and took their van another time but never got around to the Cog.
First we drove up to one of our favorite hotels, the Town and Country Inn in Gorham, NH. Priscilla and I discovered it on our honeymoon 44 years ago. We didn’t have a lot of money back then so we just spent our honeymoon exploring northern New England. We went to Bar Harbor, ME and then went over to Gorham. It’s a nice, family-run place with a terrific restaurant, pool and hot tub. We would return many times over the years with the children. It was situated exactly a half hour away from Story Land on Rte 16 and Santa’s Village on Rte 2.
It was fun on Monday to remember some of those trips. The kids racing down the hall to get to the pool. Begging us for quarters for the game room after dinner.
The next day we went to the Cog Railway. We really lucked out as it was a crystal clear day. We could see five different states from the top of the mountain!
It took a little less than an hour to get up the mountain. Once there we had about an hour to roam around and then we took the train down. The history of the Cog Railway is really interesting. Especially when the founder went before the New Hampshire Legislature and was laughed at for his crazy idea. That was in the 1860s.
After that we made our way to North Conway to check out some shops and have a nice late-lunch at a little cafe. And then we topped it off getting stuck in Boston traffic but that was the only exception to a fantastic trip.
44 years! Wow! It was a hot and humid late-summer evening when we got married at the old Smith Mills Church when it was on Route 6 back in 1981.
WHAT’S YOUR SECRET?
Not surprisingly, we’ve been asked a few times what our secret to a long marriage is. I really don’t know what to tell people when they ask. What has worked for us may not work for you.
First of all, we’re best friends. We enjoy spending time with each other. The other word that comes to mind is “respect.” We respect each other and each other’s opinions and concerns.
I also learned a long time ago to try and listen more than I talk. I read a quote once that said, “God gave you two ears but only one mouth so you should listen more than you speak.” It’s true. Wouldn’t you want someone’s attention when you want to talk? Put down the phone or (back-in-the-day) the newspaper and listen. Ask questions when it’s appropriate. Shut your mouth when it’s not.
Another thing we try to remember is politeness. A “please” or “thank you” can go a long way. And none of this, “Well she knows I appreciate her!” It doesn’t take much effort to let them know.
I also think (in some cases, not all), couples today don’t seem to want to work at it when problems arise. People always seem to want the quick fix. Not all days are going to be rainbows and lollipops but you made a commitment to that other person. Isn’t he/she worth the effort to at least try and work things out? Again, this has worked for us. There are a multitude of reasons that some marriages don’t work out. I understand that.
One of our kids sent us a text message Friday that said, “Thank you for setting the standard and being the model of how a marriage should work.” WOW! Not gonna lie: that made me stop and think.
We never set out to do that. Never really gave it much thought.
I think we just go day-to-day trying our best to respect each other and love each other. There’s a reason you got married to that person: remember that.
We haven’t always agreed on everything but we learned to compromise. I guess that’s another word I would add to my recipe for what makes a marriage work. I suppose I should correct that and say what has made OUR marriage work.
Respect. Politeness. Attentiveness. Compromise. Patience. Understanding.
All I can say is, it’s worked for us.
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