I’m Not Okay — But It’s All Gonna Be Alright

I listen to music a lot. I love music. All genres. And what amazes me is how, sometimes, you hear a song over and over and then one day you REALLY listen to the words. I had one of those days recently.

Now I realize that not all of my friends are country music fans. In fact, I wasn’t a fan until about 10 or 15 years ago.

Forgive me if you’ve heard this story before. Maybe you haven’t. 

My son, Doug, joined the Navy and got stationed in Virginia Beach, VA. He made new friends, as Doug always does, and they were from all over the country. Some of them listened to Country and that’s how it all started.

The old saying goes, “country music is three chords and the truth.” It’s credited to songwriter Harlan Howard who once said, “A song doesn’t need complex musical arrangements, just simple chords and genuine emotion.”

That really became clear when I was listening to a Jelly Roll song.

Jelly Roll is a country singer whose real name is Jason Bradley DeFord. He began his career in 2003. He had a troubled past with drugs that ended up sending him to prison. After his release, he started singing hip hop before he switched to country. Many of his songs have a religious tone to them including the one I’m focusing on, “I Am Not Okay.”

The song came out last summer but I really focused on the lyrics the other day.

Check them out. I found many of them relatable and I think many other people might agree. Maybe even you!

I am not okay,

I’m barely getting by.

I’m losing track of days,

And losing sleep at night.

I am not okay,

I’m hanging on the rails.

So if I say I’m fine,

Just know I learned to hide it well.

I know I can’t be the only one,

Who’s holding on for dear life.

But God knows, I know

When it’s all said and done,

I’m not okay

But it’s all gonna be alright.

It’s not okay

But we’re all gonna be alright.

I woke up today,

I almost stayed in bed.

Had the devil on my back,

And voices in my head.

Some days, it ain’t all bad,

Some days, it all gets worse.

Some days, I swear I’m better off,

Layin’ in that dirt.

(Chorus)

I know one day,

We’ll see the other side.

The pain’ll wash away,

In a holy water tide.

And we all gonna be alright.

(Chorus)

For those of us that live with chronic pain or whatever you have going on in your life, some of those words really hit home. It might be especially true for many of our veterans.

“So if I say I’m fine, just know I learned to hide it well.” There are plenty of days when we’re not fine, but we carry on.

“I know I can’t be the only one, that’s holding on for dear life. But God knows, I know when it’s all said and done, I’m not okay, but it’s all gonna be alright.” Some days it seems like we’re holding on for dear life doesn’t it? It is what it is. You have to do what you can. Some days are better than others. Enjoy the good days and try to make it through the ones that aren’t so good.

“I woke up today, I almost stayed in bed.” How many days have you just wanted to pull the covers over your head and admit, you just can’t do it today. But you do. Don’t lose sight of how difficult that is but, somehow, you do it. Give yourself some credit.

“Some days it ain’t bad. Some days it all gets worse.” So true.

Fortunately I can honestly say I’ve never felt: “Some days I swear I’m better off layin’ in that dirt.” However, I can understand how others may feel that way. Sometimes you just reach your limit. I’m blessed with a wonderful family and now with grandchildren popping up…I’ve got things I need to do.

And how about that last line: “I know one day, we’ll see the other side. The pain will wash away in a Holy water tide…and we’re all gonna be alright.”

Just think of that day! No more pain! No more disability! No more anguish! It will all STOP HURTING! Hallelujah! 

However… it’s not time for that yet. We still have things we need to do. Things we need to say. Things we need to learn. Places we need to be. 

What are those things? I have no idea. That’s for each of us to find out.

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“I Am Not Okay” was written by Jelly Roll, Taylor Phillips, Ashley Gorley, and Casey Brown, and produced by Zach Crowell. 

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