I was honored once again this weekend to give the Sunday Sermon at my church, the First Congregational Church UCC in Fairhaven. The title and topic I chose was, “The Power We Have in the Words We Choose.”
I have been working with words for almost 50 years now on radio, hosting events, cable television host, sports announcer, eventually a writer and now fill-in preacher. I’ve also been married for 44 years this September and do you know, in all those years, I’ve never said the wrong thing. Even once, have I honey??? Hello???
Like many of us, I’ve made mistakes. I’ve spoken when I was angry. I’ve used hurtful words because I was stressed, or tired or just stupid. I helped raise four children while waking up every morning at 4 a.m. to go to work and my patience ran thin more than once. There were nights when I lost my temper with the kids then went to work the next day feeling terrible about what I said. My wife tried to reassure me that, just like a summer thunderstorm blows through and clears out the air, sometimes I needed to thunder through the house and clear things out. I don’t know if she really believed that or just said it to comfort me but I appreciated it.
Oh the power of the words we choose.
Have I ever said the wrong thing on the radio? I tried not to but, of course, it happened. About 30 years ago I used to do a trivia contest at 6 in the morning. It was called “Brain Dead Trivia” because at 6 a.m. we were all….. I did this for a while until one day I got a very nice letter from a listener asking that I change the name of the contest because her father had had a brain injury. Yeah. Didn’t think that one through. It quickly became known as “The Morning Quiz.”
As a writer now I spend a little more time crafting my words because I’ve discovered … .when it’s just radio you can say something and… that’s it. Unless someone is recording you, it’s just out there in the wind. However, when you write something, either in a book, a blog or when I used to write for the newspaper, people can go BACK and see it again and again. You gotta be a little more careful. Which is also something we need to remember when texting or sending an angry email. Once you send it, it’s there! How many politicians have found out that even when you delete a tweet, if someone screenshots it first it’s never gone.
Many of you know our youngest son, Matt, who uses his middle name professionally, HUNTER BRALEY. He’s a singer/songwriter and it is so interesting to watch him work when he lets us see a glimpse of his world. I’ve asked him about songwriting and he tells me that sometimes the words just flow and other times he’ll go weeks just trying to find the verse or just the right word that he wants. He’s careful to choose just the right word because words are so powerful. And once you record it and post it… you live with it.
What does the Bible say about the words we use?
One of the first things I saw when I was researching this was what our minister says every week.
Psalm 19:14
“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.”
Then there is Ephesians 4:29 :
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
Matthew 12:36-37
I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”
And listen to this one:
James 3 : 5
“Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider that a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.”
You can see that can’t you? We can start a forest fire just by the spark of the words we choose.
These verses point out how significant our words are and the impact they have on our lives and the lives of others. It’s a reminder to be careful with the words we speak and to use them in ways that are positive, healing, and encouraging.
Why do we say hurtful things at times?
Well I can think of a few reasons.
- Insecurity.
- The need to control.
- The need to dominate.
- Anger
- Stress
- Exhaustion.
- Anxiety
The website Mental Health America says:
“People have endured many negative words directed at them, and the insecurity that stirs up spills out and is directed toward others. Many of us have been hurt in the past and have unresolved pain. Without coping skills to manage this, we may say or do things that harm others. Low self-esteem can be triggered when feeling nervous, which leads to lashing out and self-protection by attacking another person.”
I don’t want to focus just on negative words or saying the wrong thing. What about when we use our words positively?
Have you ever been in a room with someone who just makes you feel good? It’s like everyone in the room is attracted to them because it just feels so good! Just being around them or hearing them talk inspires you and just gives you that all around good feeling? There are some motivational speakers that I just love listening to. After you hear them speak you just can’t wait to get out into the world. What makes them so different? Is it the words they choose or the attitude they project? Have you ever thought about trying to adopt that kind of lingo? “Hey! Could I become THAT guy?” Try being positive! Inspire! Build up! Encourage!
Here’s an idea: This week, whenever you catch yourself having a negative thought or you’re about to use hurtful words, STOP! Turn it around. Take your negative thought and make it positive. Don’t say those destructive words. Say something positive! Or as my mother used to say, “If you have nothing good to say, say nothing.” We don’t have to win every time. Not everything is a competition.
I learned long ago never to respond right away when you’re angry. Sleep on it or write down your thoughts in a letter or email but don’t send it. Look at it again tomorrow and see if you still feel that way.
I also try to never comment right away, if at all, to a social media post. Talk about a toxic environment. I have a friend who is always saying, “I get so mad when I read people’s comments!” I’ve told him many times, “Then don’t read the comments !
Check this one out….
Proverbs 13:3
Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything.
Isn’t that great?!
Words are one of the most powerful forces in the universe, and God has entrusted them to you! How will you use this gift? Your words can change the course of someone’s day…even someone’s life.
The inspiration for this morning’s sermon actually came to me when I was scrolling on Facebook a couple of weeks ago so to my wife who always accuses me of wasting my time on TIK TOK… see? Something productive came out of it! Well I think so. You can let me know later.
I had never heard this story before. And I wasn’t even sure it was true so I checked and yes it did happen back in 1959. If you’ve heard this before, just pretend it’s new to you okay? Okay.
One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.
Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.
It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.
That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.
On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. ‘Really?’ she heard whispered. ‘I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!’ and, ‘I didn’t know others liked me so much,’ were most of the comments.
No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn’t matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.
Several years later, one of the students was killed in Vietnam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature.
The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin.
As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as a pallbearer came up to her. ‘Were you Mark’s math teacher?’ he asked. She nodded: ‘yes.’ Then he said: ‘Mark talked about you a lot.’
After the funeral, most of Mark’s former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark’s mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.
‘We want to show you something,” his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. “They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it.”
Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark’s classmates had said about him.
“Thank you so much for doing that,” Mark’s mother said. “As you can see, Mark treasured it.”
All of Mark’s former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, “I still have my list. It’s in the top drawer of my desk at home.”
Chuck’s wife said, “Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album.”
“I have mine too,” Marilyn said. “It’s in my diary.”
Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. “I carry this with me at all times,” Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: “I think we all saved our lists.”
That’s when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.
The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don’t know when that one day will be.
So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.
To that I would add… choose your words carefully. Maybe ask yourself when you’re with someone, “What does this person NEED to hear today?”
And in conclusion I have one of my favorite lines and although it’s not in the Bible it does come from the Prayer of Saint Francis,
“Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.”
And I would add… may I carefully choose the words I use as the composer carefully chooses the proper notes for his or her symphony.
AMEN!
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