I had a conversation with someone this week who told me that some mutual friends were struggling. Just like the rest of us, they are aging but they’re having some health issues and some difficulty with general tasks like getting dressed and taking care of themselves.
They’re depressed. They’re angry.
And I totally get it.
I told my friend that, ever since my stroke, I try to focus on what I CAN do and not what I CANNOT do anymore. Believe me though…it’s not easy.
Obviously we want to keep doing the things we’ve always done. Life-changes can be frustrating, especially if you’ve always been independent.
I’m not going to lie, there are many things I wish I could still do. Run through the park with my grandson. Run up or down stairs. Now I just pray there will be a railing and there won’t be too many steps. I’d love to be able to put my socks on in the morning without a device.
Best investment I ever made. I have one at home and one at each child’s house that I visit in Virginia and Texas.
Does anyone else do this? When I drop something on the floor, my first thought is, “Do I really NEED to pick it up? What would happen if I DON’T? Oh, yeah. The dog might eat it. Okay…..strettttccchhhh!”
I wish I could cut my own toenails instead of paying someone for a pedicure once a month, though I do like the nice soak and the massage chair. Plus the conversation. I feel like I’m the adopted grandpa at the salon.
However, just like I wish I could have my 36-inch waist back, these things are probably not going to happen.
I’ve seen many people try to come to grips with their new reality and they fight it every step of the way. I’m sure if I ask my family I did my share of that too. It’s only natural to want to return to the way things were and if you can, through physical therapy or just your own determination…GO FOR IT!
However, there may come a time for acceptance. And let me tell you, in some circumstances, life can get a lot more enjoyable.
Do I like the fact that I need a device to put my socks on in the morning? No! But it saves me from having to ask someone for help.
Do I like using a wheelchair at airports? NO! But it makes travel so much easier.
Did I like using a scooter at Disney World? No! But I have wonderful memories of going there with my grandson and family. And there was no way I could have gone there and walked all those steps.
I know everyone’s situation is different. What has worked for me might not work for others. However, I have seen friends who refuse to accept their new reality. There’s a perfectly good elevator but they won’t give in and they insist on taking the stairs. Of course, when they get to the top of the stairs they’re winded and need a rest but they still insist on doing it. Why expend all that energy being stubborn, angry or trying to prove a point when there are easier ways of doing things? There’s enough in this world to be angry about.
I’ve heard people say, “I don’t want to be seen in a wheelchair.” I get it. But I can tell you from experience, most people are so busy with their own lives they really don’t spend much time noticing you or anyone else. And what do I care what people think? It really has no effect on my day one way or the other.
“I don’t want anyone feeling sorry for me!” Again, most people are so involved with what’s right in front of them they may not even see you. And, if it makes them a better human being for a moment or two, actually caring for another, what’s the harm in that?
We don’t like change. Especially if it’s a change in the way we’ve always done things. Just realize that there are things out there to make life easier. There are people, yes still good people, that want to help you. Don’t turn your back on them just because of your pride.
I talked about some of these things in my book, “I’m Not Done Yet: Turning Disabilities Into Possibilities.” It’s still available if you’re interested. “Order before midnight! WHILE SUPPLIES LAST!”
Just remember that life changes. We don’t have to like it. But we also don’t have to fight it.
Catch up on previous Sunday Columns by clicking here.
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