Have you ever injured yourself in a silly way? Yeah. Makes you feel stupid doesn’t it?
The other night I warmed up some leftover Chinese food. My wife, Priscilla, was working a 24-hour shift so it was just me for dinner. I usually don’t cook a big meal when I’m by myself. Some nights I may scramble some eggs or just warm up some leftovers.
I was sitting at the table and, since I was alone, I was on my phone either scrolling through Facebook or TikTok. That’s when I put a piece of a chicken finger in my mouth…. and proceeded to bite down sharply on my tongue!!!!!!
My first thought (besides “$&##%!”) was, “I’ve been eating soIid food for 62 years and I can’t even get this right?”
To be honest, this is not the first time I’ve bit my tongue while eating, and if I know myself well (which I do), it probably won’t be the last.
I wonder if it’s because we’re not paying attention. You know how to eat, you’ve done it for years, why do you need to concentrate? Remember, I was on my phone and not paying attention.
One other time I was trying to be courteous.
A couple of years ago my grandson, daughter and son-in-law were visiting and we wanted to take Liam to Santa’s Village. That had always been a yearly trip with our kids so we wanted Liam to experience it.
We drove up to Gorham, NH and stayed overnight at one of our favorite hotels so we could get an early start the next morning at the park. There were three of us staying in our hotel room so when nature called in the middle of the night, I didn’t want to turn on the light and wake everyone up. I knew where the bathroom was so I was sure I could make it. When I got up I proceeded to walk right into the desk that was along the wall. I didn’t just stub my toe (which would have been bad enough), I BROKE IT! It wasn’t my big toe, it was the one right next to it. Oh that hurt! Just the pressure of the sheet resting on it hurt that night. Oh and I did end up waking everybody up. So much for that plan.
What do you do for a broken toe? Not much!
Thank God I had a scooter to get around the park the next day as walking was not pleasant. That toe STILL bothers me, especially if it’s going to rain.
Oh the things we do to ourselves.
A few years ago we were taking care of the dog at our next-door neighbors house. We do that for each other. I went over one morning and after I let Conway out he didn’t want to come back in. My plan was to just go outside and try to convince him to come in but as I opened their sliding glass door… I stepped ON the track for the door instead of over it. I don’t know why. In fact, I don’t know why I do half the things I do. Turns out I sprained my ankle. It hurt so bad I had to call my daughter to ask her to take MY dog out!
Yup! It’s gotten to the point where my wife just shakes her head sometimes and says, “What did you do now?”
When I call my daughter, Kat, for advice (she’s a high school athletic trainer) even she says, “What did you do now?”
At first I wondered if this was a “guy” thing but then I read an article online from Business Standard that said, “A majority of women have admitted that they are clumsier than men.” Now, without even checking, I can already hear the women in my life saying, “Uhhhh, NO!”
It’s no doubt probably a “dad” thing, or at least it is in my family.
Oh well, I guess it’s another thing I have to look forward to as I get older.
- Concentrate while chewing your food.
- Use a nightlight or your phone flashlight when getting up in the middle of the night.
- Don’t poke yourself in the gums (or eye) while brushing teeth.
- Sit down while attempting to put on pants or underwear.
- Stop putting things on the top shelf.
- Always tie shoes in a double knot.
Am I missing anything else obvious?
Oh yeah! Always carry health insurance card in case of stupidity!
Catch up on previous Sunday Columns by clicking here.
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