Happy Father’s Day to all dads and those that have acted like dads whether they be an uncle, coach or mentor.
My children are all grown and on their own now but, in some ways, you never stop being a dad. I still worry about them at times and those old “dad instincts” kicked in again this week.
One of my children had a situation this week with another person and they called me rather upset about it.
My first reaction was to jump out of my chair and give that other person a piece of my mind! First of all, who am I kidding? I was quite comfortable in my recliner and my days of jumping up and doing anything fast are just a faint memory. Secondly, I can’t do that anymore. It’s not my place.
When the children were younger, if someone had offended them or been rude I would speak up. “Hey! Don’t you talk to my son/daughter that way!” I have to remind myself now that they are grown adults and they have to solve their own battles. Yeah, it could be pretty embarrassing if dad tried to come to the rescue.
Am I the only one that finds this difficult?
I wouldn’t say I’ve had a problem letting go — something my wife might disagree with — but it definitely has been an adjustment. Priscilla and I are now “empty-nesters” and I gotta tell you…. it’s weird! Our dog, Charlie, stills goes upstairs to bed each night and waits outside my son’s old room. I even have to open the door sometimes to prove to him that Matt’s not here anymore.
It doesn’t happen too often but it did come up this week where one of them had someone be rude to them and it got me riled up a bit. I had to take a breath, step back and realize I had to let them handle it. They were nice and asked for my opinion and advice. I don’t know if they really wanted it or if they were just humoring me but it was nice that they asked.
I came across a story Friday that related to this. The story asked people, “What’s the hardest part about being a parent?” Some of the answers included:
- Telling your kids not to do things that you surely did when you were a child.
- Letting your kids fail sometimes.
- Deciding on punishment and being consistent with it.
- Finding time to keep up with your own basic needs when they are so little.
- Getting up and down so many damn times.
- They grow up and leave home. I was not prepared for this.
It’s hard. They were such a huge part of your life and, even though they still are, they’re off doing their own thing. And you have to let them make their own mistakes. Think about it: You probably made plenty and it helped you become the person you are today.
I think back to all the baseball and softball games and the practices. The weekends that were spent at one ballfield or another. All the fast food meals we grabbed because there just wasn’t time for a home cooked meal. My nieces and my oldest are going through this now and I just try to tell them that you will survive and one day you’ll miss this. They may not believe me now but that day will come, I have no doubt.
Those times that I do get sad because they’re no longer here my wife, Priscilla, reminds me that our job as parents is to raise them up so they can fly. In fact I’m pretty sure that’s where the term “empty nesters” comes from. We are to raise them up so they can spread their wings and fly. I usually joke, “Yeah, but I don’t have to LIKE it!”
In preparing this week’s column I came across a blog written by Torrie Sorge.
In it she writes, “As a parent, letting go can be one of the hardest parts of the job. God gives us our little ones to love, care for, protect, serve, guide, and prepare. But what are we preparing them for if we’re not willing to loosen our grip and give them some freedom along the way?”
I’d like to think I’m getting better at this “empty nest” thing. At least it’s a “work in progress.” It’s just another chapter in this ever evolving novel we call life.
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