Without looking back, I probably have written a half dozen or more columns about my adventures at the grocery store. Everything from carriages that stick together to people who leave their cart in the middle of the aisle, I think I’ve covered it. And if I miss anything you, the faithful reader, have sent in your thoughts and concerns.
Here in the “new normal,” or whatever we’re calling this, I have found some new situations that make for an adventure.
- Why is the toilet paper aisle still a hit-or-miss situation? Haven’t we figured out how much we need yet? I have bought TP even on weeks that I didn’t need any because —- you never know.
- Why is it that sometimes I go into the store and I seem to be the only one wearing a mask? I thought it was mandatory. I agree they are hot and uncomfortable but isn’t a rule a rule?
- I still have to deal with foggy glasses at times. The shaving cream trick did work but I feel funny putting shaving cream on my glasses. They were a little expensive and sometimes I just forget. Fortunately I can see pretty good if I take the glasses off so if you dont know what I look like, I’m the guy squinting at the overhead signs to see what’s down that aisle.
- Speaking of aisles: Am I the only person that obeys that arrow on the floor to show which way you can go? I’ll be halfway down that aisle and see someone coming towards me. “We see someone who can’t follow directions!” But nothing happens! Shouldn’t the manager come buy and pull him/her over?
Manager: “License and registration please.”
Shopper: “What did I do officer?”
Manager: “You traveled the wrong way down a one way aisle. You’re going to have to come with me.”
Yes I do walk down an aisle I don’t need just so I stay with the right of way. If nothing else, it helps with my step count for the day.
- Have you ever needed just one thing and it was near the opening of the aisle but you were not supposed to enter? I’m not gonna lie: I walked in backwards to get my coffee, with my carriage. I figure if I got caught I could start walking the proper way. “Nothing to see here.”
- Do people seem to be cranky? I know its hard to tell because you can’t see their whole face but have you noticed that some people look at you and their eyes seem to say, “Stay away! Are you going to infect me? I just want to buy my Raisin Bran. Stand back!”
- If you’re going to wear a mask, please wear it the right way. If you have it under your nose you’re not really benefitting anyone. And if it’s just hanging around your neck, what’s up with that?
- I will admit it: Before all of this I would lick my finger to get the produce bags to open. It’s amazing I’ve survived 58 years. Not anymore though. I stand there and wrestle with that thing with my dry fingers until the darn thing opens! I’m sorry if I hold up traffic in the produce section but I fight the urge to lick!
- Slow down. Maybe it’s because I’m not terrified of this virus but I think I do my usual speed while some others race around to get their stuff because they don’t want to spend one more second out in the public than they have to.
- Why is it that when you know there are going to be people in your store that want to get in and out there are only two registers open? And with everyone standing six feet apart it makes the line look it goes all the way to the back of the store?
There! It feels good to vent.
We can add to the list of things that feel great at the end of a long day. For many it’s been:
- “Taking off your shoes and walking bare feet”.
- Ladies have said, “When you take off your bra.” (I wouldn’t know.)
How about —“When you load the groceries in the car and FINALLY take off that mask!” Until your next errand.
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